


The Reason Why

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 02:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4461194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war of the titans ends, Levi and Erwin feel empty, unable to smoothly transition into a normal and peaceful life outside of the military. They can’t seem to shake the horrors they’ve experienced, or ignore the pain caused by the friends they’ve lost. Levi has found himself form many families, most of them lost to death, but he's never stopped to consider just how much they mean to him.</p><p>Perhaps, two orphaned babies are all they need to both start healing.</p><p>Written for the Summer 2015 Eruri Week, Prompt Day 1: Family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reason Why

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Eruri Week everybody! I'm going to kick off this shindig with a project I've been working on for almost a month now. I've never participated in a weekly prompt event of any kind, mostly because I struggle with how open-ended the prompts are. Nevertheless, I got my shit together this time and wrote this fic.
> 
> My first concept for this prompt was "Levi and Erwin adopt some orphans after the war", but that original concept quickly turned into so much more when I decided to add Levi's retrospection into it. I struggled with getting the flow right, and I struggled with the ending, so I hope it reads well enough!! 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

“Morning,” Levi calls out, a sleepy tired still trapped in his voice. He wraps himself up in the rug on their bed and waddles over to Erwin, who sits staring out of their bedroom window.

He wraps his arms around Erwin’s waist and leans his head on Erwin’s shoulder. There’s an ache in their muscles and bones, stretched and worn from their lovemaking last night. Levi had slept soundly afterwards, succumbing to the relief of a massive burden being lifted from his shoulders after so many years. 

Erwin, not so much.

“Is it a dream?” Erwin asks, his breath clouding the window in front of them. There are people still celebrating in the streets outside, dancing and drinking themselves into oblivion. 

Today, all of the gates will open - and stay open - for the first time since the walls were built. People are already gathering around the gates, lining up for their chance to be the first civilians to see the world beyond. 

If those people knew how much blood has been shed on the ground outside those walls, perhaps they wouldn’t be so eager to see.

“It was a dream,” Levi whispers, rubbing at the window where Erwin had left his breath, clearing it to see a group of tiny children playing games on the street. The sun has barely risen, and yet the world already seems so much brighter. “But now it’s a reality.”

“For some strange reason, I feel empty,” Erwin mutters. Levi can feel Erwin stiffen underneath him, his words and body language clearly indicating that he is spooked, and hurting. “It’s disgustingly selfish. This is what we've wanted for so long, and yet I can't feel any joy for it.” 

For all that Erwin has been branded a monster, he has a soft and sensitive heart. The question of what would happen to them after the war has always been a problem, just boiling under the surface of their relationship, but they have never spoken about it before now. They had assumed that at least one of them would die, and the fact that both of them survived was completely unexpected.

How were they supposed to dedicate their lives to humanity, succeed in that mission, and then live a normal life that they’ve never known?

“It’s not disgusting, or selfish.” Levi sighs, hand on Erwin’s cheek, angling his face toward him. “A huge part of your life is over. Now we have to build a new life, and find a new purpose.”

Erwin frowns miserably. “Do we even deserve that?”

Levi grabs at Erwin’s body, wishing that he could fight all of Erwin’s pain and confusion away. Levi will protect this man fiercely, until his dying breath, but he will never be able to protect him from the demons in his own heart. He squeezes Erwin tight, as tight as he can, a gesture of love.

“Yes, Erwin. We do deserve that.”

Erwin relaxes, finally, for a second, but Levi knows that his demons will rise again. 

“I would be lost without you, Levi.”

“I would be _dead_ with you, Erwin.”

They kiss as the sun rises.

\---

Despite not knowing what is ahead, and being completely terrified of what might become of them, Erwin finds a new purpose, something that Levi also fully shares. They both felt like retiring wasn't an option, and they both felt the need to keep themselves busy, so they decide to embark on a new adventure.

Erwin stays Commander of the Survey Corps, although the Survey Corps isn’t _really_ the Survey Corps anymore. It’s no longer a branch of the military, but rather a government agency. Instead of scouting past the walls and fight titans, they now scout past the walls and build settlements. At least, that’s the plan.

Fully backed by Queen Historia and the new Parliament, the Survey Corps is to rebuild the territory in Wall Maria and Shiganshina, as well as build three new towns beyond that. It’s an ambitious plan, one that will most likely span many years, even beyond their deaths, but it’s truly the future of their civilisation. A gentler world where there’s farming land and food for everyone.

Levi also has his own task. It’s fully backed by Erwin and Historia, but the funding takes a while to pass through Parliament. Using the bricks from the walls - which are now carefully being deconstructed, bit by bit - the Survey Corps has permission the make a memorial for their fallen comrades. It will be placed outside the walls, in the land that they fought to be open and free, where they belong. Without their sacrifices, this newfound luxury of space never would have been possible, and Levi will never forget that. The Garrison will also participate, making their own version too. 

The conception and design for the memorial brings back old memories for Erwin, as the trauma of losing his best friend finally confronts him. He never had any time to grieve, after losing an arm, plotting to overthrow the government, and everything that had snowballed after that, there was never any moment where Erwin hit pause to let things settle. 

Levi often wakes at night to find Erwin silently crying into his pillow, a single name falling from his lips.

_Mike._

They make a list of names for special graves that they will make personally and place secretly, a smaller project amongst the remaining Survey Corps personnel.

 _Mike, Nanaba, Isabel, Farlan, Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, Nifa,_ and the list goes on. It grows quite expansive, but they force themselves to cut it short due to space. As an unsanctioned grave, they have to keep it small so the officials won’t notice.

They dive headfirst into work. It’s easy and menial, a perfect distraction for both of them. 

But their lives still feel empty.

\---

It’s one of the first buildings built in the outside world. The walls are a warm red brick, while the roof is built of a rather expensive metal, the kind that will never rust or break. Inside, there are several dorm rooms, a mess hall, a classroom and a plentiful backyard, which also includes a small farm. It’s the biggest orphanage Levi has ever seen.

But even so, it’s still not enough to house all the orphans from the war.

“We can’t keep them,” says the woman who runs the new orphanage. Levi had handpicked her from a range of applicants, mostly people who were looking to get a free ride into the outside world. This woman stood out amongst the rest as a person who truly cared, and wanted to make a good difference in the lives of the orphans.

She holds two babies, one for each arm, both swaddled in blankets. “The other kids, they’ve been here and seen it. They’ve had a taste of how _good_ life can be. We can’t send them back now. But these babies… they have no idea. It may seem cruel, but it’s the kindest thing we can do for everybody right now.”

Levi feels sick to his stomach. He looks at the two babies, their soft puffy faces completely ignorant to the fact that they’re being sent back to poverty. It’s so wrong, when they have a whole life to live, one that could be so much better than what they'll condemn them to. 

“And these two are the only ones?” Erwin asks. Levi can see that he’s adding it up in his head, doing the math and calculating all the possibilities, just like Erwin always does. Levi has faith that Erwin will come to the right conclusion, morally. 

“Yes,” she replies. “They’re the only babies here, but they’re a lot to care for. They require attention almost always, and I can’t look after all the other kids while nursing them.”

“Very well then,” Erwin says, his face grim. “It can’t be helped.”

“Wait!” Levi snaps, bringing himself into the fold. “We can’t just send them away to die!!”

“It’s the most humane thing to do, Levi. Nobody can care for them.”

Levi’s eyes narrow at Erwin, floored that he would decide this, out of every option possibly available. He thinks of the hungry stomachs they will have if they are sent back to the walls, and back into poverty. It’s an aching pain that still haunts him to this day, when he gets even the tiniest bit hungry. Having food and water taken away from you is a hell, and these babies need to be fed in order to grow up strong or healthy. Without their mothers around, there's no hope of that happening back inside walls.

Levi can’t let Erwin send these innocent beings to die like that.

“It’s not humane _at all,_ ” Levi growls, turning to the woman and holding out his arms. “Give them to me. I’m not letting you send them back to the walls to starve.”

“Levi-” Erwin tries to stop the transaction, but Levi already has two armfuls of baby before he can open his mouth. “Levi, you _can’t._ ”

“ _I’m not going to let them starve._ ”

The words are so aggressive, so venomous, that Erwin has to take a step back in order to diffuse the situation. Instinctively, Levi curls his body around the babies, protecting them like Erwin could take them away at any moment. 

Levi looks down at the babies as they start to cry from the commotion. Although their parents are gone, they are mostly unmarred by the atrocities of the world. This crying is something that won’t scar them or impact them in the long term. They haven’t felt true sadness, or true loss. They know of nothing yet, just the tiny world of their tiny bodies.

That’s the reason why they should be protected, and not harmed. Levi swears that he’ll do whatever he can to give them the best life he can offer, a life where they are nurtured and can realise their full potential, whatever that might be. 

Erwin knows Levi’s past, and why this is such an exposed nerve for him. It’s also why he lets Levi go, not saying another word. Erwin's lack of argument, and lack of involvement, causes a deep chasm to form in their relationship, much to Levi’s frustration. He has no idea where they stand anymore. 

So Levi doesn't see Erwin again for several weeks.

\---

For Levi, family has always been a sore spot. He never had a father, but he had a mother who was kind and caring, from he remembers. She slowly deteriorated in front of him until she was a mess of bones and rot, her life cut too short for Levi to feel any real connection.

Levi doesn't really miss his mother, he just misses the idea of her. 

And then he was raised by a serial killer, his uncle, who refused to become a parent to him. He gave Levi the tools he needed to survive, and the basic necessities of life like food and water, but he never gave him anything more than that. He never gave him physical or emotional attention. He never hugged him or listened to his troubles or loved him unconditionally. Kenny made him into a killer, and then he abandoned him on the side of the street. 

So Levi eventually made his own family. He met Farlan, who was calm, kind and caring, but also smart and level headed. He wasn’t like most people in the Underground, who were nothing but ruthless and cruel. He had a heart, while also knowing that sometimes terrible things had to be done to survive. He was a perfect business partner, and later friend. They got along extremely well. 

And then he met Isabel, who, at first glance, Levi thought was dead. He saw himself, before Kenny had found him; dirty, starved to the bone, and scared. Levi didn’t have the heart to leave her to die. She was innocent, and didn’t deserve such a pathetic existence.

Levi took Isabel in. He fed her and gave her as much warmth as he could, and she blossomed under his care, resurrected from the brink of death. She lightened up his life, and Farlan’s life too. Her infectious energy and passion fulfilled Levi’s need for something more in life, beyond just simply surviving.

It fulfilled Levi’s need for love. 

And perhaps, it was Levi’s first true act of parenting.

\---

“Levi, you can’t stay here anymore!” Hange yells at him one morning, hands slamming onto the kitchen table. Levi has the two babies in his arms, boy and girl, both begging for food. But Levi can only feed one of them at a time, and he’s struggling to figure out how to put one of them down.

Hange, with all their noise, isn’t helping. 

“I don’t have anywhere else to go, Hange.” Levi says tiredly, wishing that Hange would let him stay just a little bit longer. He knows he has to face the music sometime, but he wants to wait a little bit longer, unwilling to shatter his relationship with Erwin for good. 

“You have Erwin’s house.”

“Technically it’s my house as well...”

“All the more reason to go back!”

Levi sighs. “He didn’t sign up for this Hange, I can’t just force these babies onto him.”

“Well I didn’t sign up for it either.”

Levi had never stopped to think about it like that. He knew it was a big ask for Hange to house him and the babies, but he didn’t think about it beyond the short term. After the few established houses built for Survey Corps personnel, the only houses left in their small town were tents, and he couldn’t live with these babies in a tent. It would be hard on him, and unfair to the babies.

He needed to start settling somewhere for the long term, and Hange’s house was never meant to be for the long term. Hange shouldn’t feel obligated to basically raise these children because of their friendship and loyalty to Levi. He needed somewhere that was his own space, somewhere where he could build a nursery, and eventually raise these children into adults.

The gravity of his actions suddenly dawns on him, like it hadn’t ever before. He never considered what he would become after taking the babies in. At the time, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

But now, Levi has become a father. 

“I’m sorry Hange,” Levi says solemnly. “But I have one more favour to ask of you. Do you think you could look after the babies for a few hours? I need to go for a walk, clear my head and… talk to Erwin.”

Hange smiles and takes the babies gracefully. Hange is good with the babies, and they’ll make an amazing Godparent. “Of course, Levi. Take all the time you need.”

Not wanting to impose on Hange any longer, Levi prays that Erwin will be open to the idea of housing him and the babies indefinitely. He also dreams beyond that, of Erwin possibly accepting them into a little family, but Levi tries not to get his hopes up.

\---

“Can we talk?" Levi asks when Erwin opens the door to what used to be _their_ house. Somehow, Levi can't seem to comprehend that he actually lived here only a couple of weeks ago. It feels like he’s been at Hange’s forever.

“Of course,” Erwin replies, stepping aside to let Levi in. The house is just as Levi remembered, except that there’s a disgusting layer of dust covering the furniture.

“You’re not dusting,” Levi mutters, wiping a finger across a nearby drawer, dirtying himself. “You should be dusting.”

“Sorry,” Erwin says, scratching his head. He looks flustered, and a little embarrassed, but mostly apologetic. It’s a good sign, Levi believes. Perhaps things between them might work out. “I guess I forgot, since you’re the one who usually does it. But I’ve been vacuuming!”

Levi snorts. Erwin is clean and tidy man, sure, but he wasn’t very good at cleaning spaces or houses. At least, not to Levi’s standard. When they first moved in together, the fact that Erwin didn’t know how to vacuum became the biggest argument they’ve ever had. There was a myriad of yelling, shouting and passive-aggressive behaviour, quite unlike their current argument, which is a much more silent and civil affair. 

Perhaps the lack of communication, good and bad, is what unnerves Levi the most. 

“Do you want some tea?” Erwin asks. He's already moving to fill up the kettle and teapot, even before Levi answers. Levi never turns down a cup of tea, and Erwin knows this well, preparing his favourite green tea brew.

“Yes, thank you,” Levi says, taking his seat at the dining table. _His_ seat, the one he always sat at during breakfast and dinner. 

Erwin takes his seat at the table too, directly across from Levi. They both nurse a cup of tea underneath them, the steam rising and warming Levi’s cheeks. 

Levi doesn’t know where to start. How do you ask to come back to a life that you left behind without a second glance? Erwin doesn’t want this weird, fucked up family that Levi has impromptly created. The children are amazing, and Levi loves them, but they are a handful. And even if he does want the children, Erwin still hasn’t recovered from the tragedies of the war. Erwin needs to take time heal and mend himself. Parenting newborns isn’t going to help that. 

Is it selfish to ask Erwin to change his entire life to fit around what he had no part in deciding? 

Levi lets the question linger and settle in his head, spinning around and around in circles until he comes to an answer, which is most certainly _no._

In the end, it’s Erwin who speaks first. 

“I love you Levi,” he says, soft and sincere, like he always does when saying those three words. 

Levi sighs in relief. At least they still have love between them, quite possibly the only thing that will never die.

“I love you too.”

Erwin smiles, and Levi smiles back, because Erwin barely ever genuinely smiled during their time in the military. A genuine smile from Erwin is a gift, and Levi is blessed for its presence .

“Levi, I want you to come back,” Erwin says, reaching out to take Levi’s hand across the table. 

They are the words Levi wants to hear, but he’s cautious with them. 

“Erwin, I-” Levi starts, before stopping to make sure he will say the right thing. Expressing his feelings has always been difficult for Levi, even now. “I want to come back, more than anything. But the babies… I can’t abandon them now. If I move in, they have to come with me.”

“I thought that would be the case,” Erwin says, casually sipping at his tea. Levi waits for Erwin to get upset, but it never comes. “So I prepared something.” 

Levi’s eyebrows rise, intrigued. He has absolutely no idea what Erwin could be talking about, and he starts to wonder if this is a good thing or bad thing. 

But as they walk to the spare room, a room they’ve never used before, Levi starts to have a small idea of what Erwin might have prepared. The once bland white door to their spare room is now coated in a pale aquamarine colour. When Erwin opens that door, Levi can see two beautifully crafted wooden cots, with colourful and playful mobiles hanging from the roof above them. On the shelves there are a few stuffed toys, and a few children's books. 

“It’s not finished yet, obviously. I wasn’t planning on you coming over until it was done but… you’re here now. I want you to back, Levi, _with_ the children. I was thinking this could be their nursery...”

“Erwin… This is…” Levi is positively speechless.

“Shhh, you don’t need to say anything,” Erwin says, turning to Levi, holding his hands. “These weeks I’ve been apart from you have been the worst of my life. Losing my arm doesn’t come anywhere near the pain I’ve felt, living a life without you.”

“That’s so fucking sappy.” Levi pretends to be amused, but really, he is awed by Erwin’s confession. Erwin is the more affectionate one of their relationship, but even he isn’t known for mushy speeches like that.

They don’t usually speak their feelings, which is the reason why this moment feels so special to Levi. 

“Only for you,” Erwin says, leaning down for a kiss. 

They’re going to be a family again.

\---

After Isabel and Farlan die, the Survey Corps feels clinical. Levi doesn’t know anyone, and he’s too antisocial to become friends with anyone either, so he becomes a recluse. He fulfils his duties, kills some titans, and spends the rest of the time alone.

He wasn’t living until Erwin took him under his wing. 

At first, Levi thought Erwin was trying to play him or use him for his own personal gain. But Erwin doesn’t use people for his personal gain. He uses them for his own goals, sure, but those goals never have anything to do with himself. He’s single handedly trying to save the entire world, and that’s what Levi admired, and admires, the most about him. Levi’s entire life up until that point had been about crime, and with Erwin, he saw a departure from that life into something more meaningful.

Erwin taught him to be a better soldier, and a better person.

When Levi first realised the emotion he felt for Erwin was love, he denied it and suppressed it as much as he could. Love only led to loss, and Levi didn't think he could handle anymore loss in his life.

But Levi fell for Erwin, and he fell hard. 

And the more he fell, the more Erwin became a part of his everyday life. They would always sit next to each other during meals, sometimes slyly holding hands under the table. They would make trips to each other’s offices for mundane things, like talking about the weather. They would take strolls in the forest together, and sit on the roof at night, drinking and talking about anything and everything. Sleepovers one night week soon turned into every night of the week. By the time Erwin became Commander, Levi never spent any time in his own room anymore.

Erwin made Levi feel good about himself, like he’s actually worth something in the greater scheme of things. They had become so entwined with each other that one day, Levi _had to_ accept that it was more than just friendship, more than just companionship, and more than just a crush. It was love; deep and pure and real, unlike anything Levi had ever experienced. 

Erwin had dug himself under Levi’s skin, and Levi couldn’t do anything but let Erwin settle there and become a part of him. 

And soon, Levi met Hange, Mike and Nanaba, and all of Erwin’s friends. He didn’t just join the military, he joined a group and a community with one common goal. They would share in their triumphs, and mourn in their failures. He felt warmth when they gathered at the local bar, drank a few beers, and talked about how to save the world.

Levi had joined a family.

\---

“You’ve got to burp her, Erwin!!” Levi yells, frustratedly holding a baby of his own, trying everything he could to calm him down. These babies had some sort of weird telepathic powers, despite the fact that they were both unrelated. When one baby cried, the other baby also cried. The only way to get them both to calm down was to figure out which one had a problem and solve it.

Levi had tried everything with his baby. Erwin had just finished feeding the little girl, and was now rocking her in his arm. But she was still crying in a pitiful wail.

“I can’t burp her, Levi,” Erwin says, stressing. Erwin, who had yet to spend much time with the babies, always gets a bit upset when they won’t stop crying. It wasn’t that he blamed them, but he blamed himself for not being a very good parent.

Even Levi, who has had been with the babies for longer, has found himself doubting how qualified he is to become a parent. He has made a lot of mistakes, but mistakes were always bound to happen. Levi isn’t a perfect person, and being a parent isn’t about being perfect either; it’s about giving care, and giving love, and being unconditional about it. Levi constantly tries his best to keep that in mind.

“Why not? Just give her back a little pat, it’s easy.” 

“Levi… I only have one arm.”

“Oh… Shit.” Levi mutters, biting his lip. Erwin had adjusted to losing his arm so quickly that Levi sometimes forgets he needs extra help with things. 

Levi places the boy back into his crib and picks up the girl from Erwin’s arm, cradling her while softly patting her back. The girl instantly eases her crying, a little burp coming from her mouth.

In the background, Erwin sighs into the couch. “Hey Levi?”

“Yeah?”

Erwin smiles goofily. “You forgot I only had one arm.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. As much as Erwin will turn this into a joke - because Erwin loves to tell one arm jokes and puns nowadays - Levi will continue feel guilty about it for a while. “I’m sorry. Do you want her back now?”

Erwin nods and Levi hands her over again. She’s settled right down, content to babble softly at nothing. Levi picks up the boy and his cries settle slowly, drifting into a peaceful sleep.

Levi sighs, content. “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of happy babies…”

They sit like that for a while, content to be silent, until Erwin puts forward a very important question. 

“What are we going to name them?” He asks, looking to Levi. “We can’t keep calling them ‘the babies’ or ‘boy and girl’. They need names.”

“What about Little Shit 1 and Little Shit 2?”

“Levi!” Erwin gasps with fake surprise. “How you dare you call my baby a ‘Little Shit’.”

Levi smiles softly, taking a mental picture of the moment. He didn’t think he’d ever see Erwin be so fond of the babies, but he’s learning more about Erwin every day. “You called her ' _your_ baby'.”

“Yeah,” Erwin sighs. “I love her. She’s my baby.”

“Isabella,” Levi says suddenly, leaning over to touch the little girl’s forehead. He had never considered naming the children after his dead friends before, but for some reason, in this moment, it felt right. “Isabella Nanaba Smith. Has a nice ring to it, yeah?”

“I love it,” Erwin says sincerely. “But you’re not going to use Ackerman-Smith?”

Levi shakes his head. “My last name is hardly Ackerman. I never knew Kenny was my uncle until he was half dead.” It’s silly to name his children with something he’s not attached to.

“But he’s still your uncle, and it’s still your name. It still means something, to someone.” 

Levi knows who Erwin is talking about, the last living member of the Ackerman family beside himself. Mikasa, who is still a weird anomaly in Levi’s life, is a person he considers to be family, but doesn’t really engage with much at all. They're both too much like each other, cold and aloof and hard to make friends with, let alone anything beyond that. 

But Levi doesn't think that Ackerman is such a terrible name to have either.

“Okay. Isabella Nanaba Ackerman-Smith. What about the boy? No offence to Farlan, but I think his name is more suited in the middle. It’s not very modern.” Levi chuckles, reminiscing. “I always used to insult Farlan for his name. He picked it himself, you know. He’s probably watching over this right now, cursing me and laughing.”

“I guess that leaves…” Erwin swallows harshly, and Levi knows what name he’s going to say. “Mike, then?”

“Mike Farlan Ackerman-Smith.” Levi says, liking the way it rolls off his tongue. “Yes. Little Mikey suits him perfectly... I think Big Mikey would have loved you.”

Erwin nods, looking over to the boy. “Mike loved children. I think if they’d survived… him and Nanaba would have had about ten…” 

As Erwin’s words taper off, Levi can feel the mood drop as the air around them turns cold and sour. Erwin looks like he’s about to cry at any second, face screwed up in a tight knot to stop the tears from falling. Levi knows that feeling all too well, never wanting to wish that kind of anguish on anyone, let alone his beloved Erwin.

“They’re really gone, aren’t they?” Erwin utters, the words spoken like he was discovering his friend’s passing for the first time. 

Levi tries to be gentle with his words, but it doesn’t make them any less brutal. “They are.”

“They’re never going to have children or retire or grow old together…” Erwin’s voice slowly disintegrates as he continues to lament. “They’re never going to experience any of this, because they’re _gone_. Forever. _They’re not coming back._ ”

Levi has seen Erwin cry many times before, but he has never seen Erwin cry like this, on the precipice of completely breaking down. Erwin has never truly stopped to grieve for his friends, and it has torn him apart ever since their deaths. 

Levi quickly takes Isabella away from Erwin when his body starts to shake with an almost violent force. He lays both the babies down in their cribs before making his way back to Erwin. He wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck, and pulls him into the biggest hug he can muster.

“Let it out, Erwin.” Levi murmurs, patting Erwin’s golden hair. “Let it all out.”

“ _They’re gone._ ” Erwin cries, openly and loudly, letting the world see the pain he’s been keeping inside all this time. It’s the most depressing sight Levi has ever seen, and he can’t do anything but hold Erwin and be there for him as some sort of steady anchor that he can rely on. “They’re never… coming back... I’ll never… see them again.... It hurts, Levi… I want to _see_ them again.”

“I know,” Levi says, acknowledging Erwin’s pain, the same pain he also shares. “I miss them too. I miss everyone. I miss them every day.”

They cry together, something they’ve never done before. But after it ends, Levi feels like somehow, finally, they are healing.

\---

When Levi first met Eren Jaeger, he didn’t think much of him. He was a young boy who could turn into a titan, and yet Levi never really acknowledged his first defining feature. All Levi saw was an anomaly, a discovery beyond their wildest dreams. Everything the Survey Corps veterans were always talking and dreaming about - the special discovery that was finally going to put them a foot in front of the titans - was suddenly within their grasp.

Eren was a game changer, and Levi would do anything to have him in Survey Corps custody. That included beating him to a pulp in court.

But when Levi stepped over the court railings and delivered his first blow, a brutal kick to Eren’s stomach, he realised that Eren was more than just a titan shifter. 

He was a teenage boy.

Levi felt intense guilt. For days and days afterwards, he would spend time pacing, thinking over his actions, wondering if he could have been softer and more gentle. Erwin tried to reassure him. It was Erwin’s plan, after all, and Levi was simply following orders. Eren had even told him that he didn’t mind going through the pain if it meant that he wasn’t given to the Military Police.

But Levi can see Eren's fear. Every time Levi is around, there is an expectation in Eren’s eyes, the expectation that he is bound to get hurt. 

And Levi hates that Eren is so scared of him. 

So he does everything he can to make things right. He makes sure Eren is as comfortable as he can be down in the dungeon, sneaking down pillows and rugs and mattresses when nobody is looking. He makes sure Eren eats more than the others, because he knows that teenage boys need energy to grow. He even sneaks his friends into the dungeon at night for sleepovers, even though Levi knows it’s firmly against the conditions set out in Eren’s release. Eren could be shipped away for this, but he allows it, because Eren is a _teenager_. Teenagers should be allowed to have fun, right?

Levi also offers Eren special 3DMG training, which he gratefully accepts. Levi teaches him how to complete complex manoeuvres, and how to get his blades deeper into titan flesh. He tries teaching him his special reverse handgrip, but Eren doesn’t have the speed for it. Instead, Eren tries to convince him to teach his adopted sister Mikasa the move, because she is much faster than him. 

Slowly, Eren doesn’t become afraid of him anymore. 

And when the rest of 104th joined the Levi Squad, he tried his best to show them the same kindness he showed Eren. 

It doesn't always happen that way, of course. They're in the middle of war, and these children are still soldiers. When Historia failed to fulfil her duty, he hoisted her up by her collar to scare her into it. He regrets it later, just as much as he regretted beating Eren up in court. But it gets the job done, and he later apologises to Historia, promising to help her with the first Orphan Initiative of her new reign. 

Levi wasn’t a good mentor. Not as good as what Erwin was to him. The teenagers of the 104th deserved to have their parents, and their families, there for them.

Despite this, Levi tried his best to create a little makeshift family, like the family he had with Isabel and Farlan, and the family he had with the veterans.

\---

“Oh, look at him! Isn’t he beautiful Mikasa?” Eren coos, bobbing Mike up and down in his arms. Mikasa doesn’t respond, too busy staring at Isabella, who is sleeping peacefully in her arms.

Armin rolls his eyes, clearly unbothered by the children, or by the enthusiasm of his friends. He seems happy to nurse a cup of tea in his hands, talking to Erwin and Levi about the travelling the three of them have been doing. Erwin jots down a few of the places that Armin recommends, for when Levi and Erwin finally take their long needed vacation, sometime at the end of the year.

Levi especially wants to see the ocean that Armin talks of, a vast body of salty water that continuously rolls onto beaches lined with soft sand, shells from tiny sea creatures, and slimy leaves called seaweed. 

“I hope you’re all settling in okay,” Erwin says, arm wrapping around Levi’s waist. The trio from Shiganshina have recently rejoined the Survey Corps, and have been stationed here to help with the rebuild. 

Levi is happy for it. He will never admit it out loud, but he genuinely liked spending time with the teenagers of the 104th Cadet Corps, and he's happy to see that they're living good lives outside of the military.

“Oh, it’s great! Our house is even bigger than my childhood home!!” Eren replies excitedly. Levi doesn’t think he’s ever seen the teen so happy.

As Erwin continues the conversation with Eren and Armin, Levi pulls Mikasa to the side. 

“She’s beautiful, Levi,” Mikasa says, her usual monotone drawl filled with a deeper sense of wonder. She’s clearly taken aback by Isabella, and Levi can’t blame her. Isabella is adorable. “I’m happy for you.”

Levi sees so much of himself in her, from her physical features, right down to her guarded nature. It’s amazing that he didn’t realise they were blood related sooner, since it seems so obvious now. He only wishes that he could have been there for her sooner, in the times when she was all alone.

Levi wants to do his best to make it up to her, to be in her life, in whatever way he can. So he starts with an offer. 

“I was wondering... if you’d be around for her. Like, you know, an aunt kind of would.” Levi explains, knowing that he’s not doing a very good job. But Mikasa seems to understand his awkward chatter, nodding along silently, so he continues. “She might not have our blood, but I consider her and Mike to be my own anyway. We don’t have many relatives, but… we have each other, and these children, and I would like it if we could maybe stick together.” _Like a family._

“Yes… I would be honoured.” 

Mikasa’s voice is made of steel, as always, but her eyes give her true feelings away, the slight sparkle of a tear forming in the corners, clinging to her eyelashes. He knows family is extremely important to Mikasa, quite possibly the very centre of her universe, and he’s overjoyed that she would consider letting him and the babies into that. 

Ackermans don’t show much emotion, but when they do, it means everything.

\---

It’s Erwin’s idea to throw a party for Mike and Isabella’s first birthday, a gesture that Levi thought was silly and pointless at first. Isabella and Mike will never be able to remember the party anyway, so what’s the point?

It’s not until people start gathering in their little home that Levi realises the real reason why Erwin planned this. Everybody is here; Hange and Moblit, Nile and Marie, Eren and Mikasa and Armin, Jean and Sasha and Connie, a few of their neighbours, and few friends they’ve made in the town, most of them from work.

Hange sits in Moblit’s lap as they talk animatedly with Armin about their newest projects and inventions. Levi knows that Armin has been tasked with creating new maps of the outside world, and he has no doubt that he’ll do a great job. Hange’s body is absolutely glowing, with Moblit’s hands sitting on their belly protectively.

Eren and Mikasa link arms for most of the time, until Jean insults Eren’s hair - which has grown into a small, but substantial ponytail - and they start verbally abusing each other in the middle of the room. Mikasa breaks it up with a few choice punches, and Jean sulks for a while. Some things, Levi decides, will never change. 

Sasha and Connie eat all the food, and Levi doesn’t really care enough to scold them. They deserve it. Levi congratulates them on their new bakery, which has recently opened up in a nearby town. He promises to take the kids to visit sometime, and they promise to give him a discount on their goods.

Nile and Marie stay in the background, mostly quiet. They know they don’t belong here, but Erwin is overjoyed by their presence anyway. Erwin’s friendship with Nile will probably never be what it was, but Erwin has wanted to mend bridges with Nile for while, so it seems he viewed this as the perfect opportunity. He’s lost too many friends to let Nile, and Marie, slip through the cracks again. Life's too short, after all. At the end of the night, Nile and Erwin are already talking about the possibility of going on a vacation together, with their respective families.

And just as everybody is about to dig into the birthday cake, Erwin tinkers his glass, nervously chuckling as Sasha and Connie playfully salute him.

“At ease, at ease,” Erwin insists as the room laughs, happy to share in the joke. 

It’s a weird experience, standing by Erwin’s side, watching as the remaining members of the old Survey Corps sit as their equals, not as their soldiers. They will always have that invisible bond of camaraderie between them, but for now, there’s peaceful and knowing calm between Levi and the crowd. All of the harshness of military structure has been washed away, leaving friendship in its wake.

Levi will say, without a doubt, that he much prefers it this way.

“Thank you for making the journey out here today.”

“YOU’RE WELCOME!” Hange shouts, and everyone dissolves into laughter once more. 

“Isabella and Mike may not remember it, but we always will. Thank you.”

Erwin’s words are so sincere, so full of love, that Levi has to start desperately sniffing back tears. He snakes an arm around Erwin’s waist, knowing what his next words will be.

“Levi and I are so happy to have our little family here, and our big family too.” Erwin takes a deep breath, and Levi takes one too, squishing himself into Erwin's side, as far as he can go. “And we wanted to tell all of you… that we’re getting married.”

“About time you put a ring on it!” Hange shouts, their cackling starting off a loud chorus of clapping. 

Levi’s almost-tears are soon replaced with a whole load of blushing and embarrassment. He loves Erwin, and he has no shame in getting married to him, but being the centre of attention sucks. He'd much rather get eloped, but if it's important to Erwin to have a proper wedding, then it's important to him too.

The rest of the night flies by with many congratulations, many drinks, and many great memories made, carrying on long after the children are put to sleep. 

“It’s been a pretty shitty life,” Levi murmurs into Erwin’s shoulder, clinging to his arm, slightly high from the positive energy trapped in their tiny little house. “But it’s also been a pretty good life too, don’t you think?”

Erwin smiles, and agrees. “It has.”

Levi drags Erwin down into a kiss, holding him there for some time, hoping that he knows and feels how grateful he is, for meeting him, loving him, and creating their wacky little family. 

Levi knows that with Erwin by his side, there will be so much more good life left to live.

\---

Levi used to wonder why he was so unlucky, to be born into poverty and tragedy the way he was. His family was never really his family to begin with, and all the people he cared about seemed to get ripped away from him by death.

It had settled into a cycle, something Levi couldn't escape from. Death, destruction, and violence. Rinse, wash, and repeat. 

But Levi fought. He fought through it all, and came out victorious, breaking the cycle for good.

And now, Levi wonders how he got so lucky. He has lived through so many families, and he has loved so many people. He has been blessed by their presence, despite having some of them ripped away from him too soon. There may be sadness in death, but there is also thankfulness in the joy and comfort those people have given to you.

The love of Erwin, Isabella and Mike, and of all the families he’s ever had, is the reason why Levi is the luckiest person in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! I've also written drabbles for some of the other Eruri Week prompts. They'll be posted on my tumblr @levierwins if anybody wants to check them out. If you enjoyed this fic, please consider leaving a comment or dropping me a line at tumblr. All feedback is appreciated!!!


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